Category: comedian
-
We all get where we’re going by circuitous journeys, and some of the setbacks are warranted.
Carol Burnett
-
I’ve been thinking of humorous things since I was… I can’t remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.
Steven Wright
-
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch Hedberg
-
I tell jokes for a check; I’m on TV for a check.
Steve Harvey
-
I’ll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there’s evidence of any thinking going on inside it.
Terry Pratchett
-
There’s a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I like that name, ‘Futon World.’ Makes me think of a magical place that gets less and less comfortable over time.
Demetri Martin
-
If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?
Steven Wright
-
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Steven Wright
-
My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It’s in the apartment somewhere.
Steven Wright
-
Movies are a fad. Audiences really want to see live actors on a stage.
Charlie Chaplin