Category: comedian
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One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.
George Carlin
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My dad was never married. He was kind of a rolling stone. But he was never disrespectful. At the same time, even though he had women in his life when I was a kid, there wasn’t any consistency.
Kevin Hart
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Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I’m swimming, sometimes I’m not sure which one it is.
Demetri Martin
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Never trust any complicated cocktail that remains perfectly clear until the last ingredient goes in, and then immediately clouds.
Terry Pratchett
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This is a ruthless world and one must be ruthless to cope with it.
Charlie Chaplin
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You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.
Henny Youngman
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At the end of the day, women are a distraction. Whether you realize it or not.
Kevin Hart
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OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
Steven Wright
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People love gossip. It’s the biggest thing that keeps the entertainment industry going.
Ellen DeGeneres
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I was once a journalist. And I think of myself as a journalist, and that’s it. You tell the truth. I even wrote a book called ‘The Truth’.
Terry Pratchett