Category: comedian
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Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious.
Larry David
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If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
Steven Wright
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I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.
Mitch Hedberg
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It’s like the Wild West, the Internet. There are no rules.
Steven Wright
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
Henny Youngman
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I’ve always felt that what I have going for me is not my imagination, because everyone has an imagination. What I have is a relentlessly controlled imagination. What looks like wild invention is actually quite carefully calculated.
Terry Pratchett
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Hip-hop is a beautiful thing. I think that the music genre itself has created more millionaires than any other music genre before it, especially in our community.
Steve Harvey
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My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She’s an actress, she just never gets called to the set.
Mitch Hedberg
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I think sometimes celebrities get so big, they’re not reachable.
Kevin Hart