Category: comedian
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I love Steven Wright. I was in high school in the ’80s, and there was a lot of stand up on television.
Demetri Martin
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My own books drive themselves. I know roughly where a book is going to end, but essentially the story develops under my fingers. It’s just a matter of joining the dots.
Terry Pratchett
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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don’t have as many people who believe it.
George Carlin
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Truthfully, without over-egging it, as I often do, the library and journalism, those things made me who I am.
Terry Pratchett
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I’m grateful for everything. I’m grateful for my health, and I’m so grateful for the love in my life.
Ellen DeGeneres
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I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.
Ellen DeGeneres
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My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
Steven Wright
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George Carlin’s album, ‘Class Clown,’ came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I’d come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don’t even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
Steven Wright
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Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron.
Demetri Martin
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But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.
Demetri Martin