Category: comedian
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I sit my three sons down and say, ‘Listen to me. When the police stop you, immediately comply. Don’t walk away, don’t smart-mouth; get your hands up and get down on the ground.’ If you’re not black, you might not have to have that conversation, but I go over and over it with them because I don’t want that phone call.
Steve Harvey
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I don’t think about the end game. I’ve got lots to occupy my mind. It’s the rage that keeps me going.
Terry Pratchett
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There’s no reason why I can’t be a mogul. When I step into a room and I’m there to have a conversation, if it pertains to business, I want to be respected as a guy who knows what he’s talking about. And that, to me, holds more weight than anything else.
Kevin Hart
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When I told my doctor I couldn’t afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.
Henny Youngman
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Hosting the Oscars is pretty much the scariest thing you can do. To me, this is right up there with bungee jumping!
Ellen DeGeneres
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
Steven Wright
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My experience in Amsterdam is that cyclists ride where the hell they like and aim in a state of rage at all pedestrians while ringing their bell loudly, the concept of avoiding people being foreign to them.
Terry Pratchett
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I’m not a person who likes to confront.
Carol Burnett
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My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.
Henny Youngman
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I’ve been doing comedy longer than I haven’t been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on ‘The Tonight Show.’ There’s truly nothing like it; it’s intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
Steven Wright