Category: comedian
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Religion doesn’t play any part in my life in terms of how I live my life. But I don’t think I’ve ever gone through a day in my life without hearing someone say the word ‘Jew’ or saying it myself.
Larry David
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I have seen some crazy people do some crazy things on my variety show. I have to stop and ask them a lot of the time, just how they figured out that they could do the things that they do, some of it is just plain freaky.
Steve Harvey
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Either he’s dead or my watch has stopped.
Groucho Marx
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Trying to get the talk show, looking back on it, we had to beg a lot of station managers to pick up the show because people thought no one would watch it because I’m openly gay.
Ellen DeGeneres
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It seems that when you have cancer you are a brave battler against the disease, but when you have Alzheimer’s you are an old fart. That’s how people see you. It makes you feel quite alone.
Terry Pratchett
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I don’t do well with snakes and I can’t dance.
Robin Williams
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The reason I do what I do is because I was influenced by Steve Martin, by Woody Allen, by Bob Newhart, by Carol Burnett, by Lucille Ball.
Ellen DeGeneres
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Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.
Carol Burnett
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I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That’s still what I am doing. The end.
Steven Wright
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
Rodney Dangerfield