Category: comedian
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But long story short, I didn’t start doing stand-up because I wanted to have a TV show or be an actor or even wanted to write sketch comedy. I got into stand-up because I love stand-up.
Demetri Martin
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People don’t want drama 365 days a year. I’m a sense of relief; it’s my job to take your mind off what’s bad for that brief second you’re in the room with me, regardless of shape, race, colour or anything. It brings people together, and it makes me feel good about what I’m doing.
Kevin Hart
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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn’t have to go so fast.
Steven Wright
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If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?
Steven Wright
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright
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I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.
Steven Wright
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At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
George Carlin
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I’m not a relationship expert. I’m an expert on manhood.
Steve Harvey
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I’d have to say I’m most proud of my mentoring camp that I do in Dallas every year for one hundred boys from single-parent homes. I was raised by a mother who was a Sunday school teacher and a father who worked hard. Together they taught me to give back.
Steve Harvey
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To the audience, it’s like I’m changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show’s almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.
Steven Wright