Category: comedian
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I got a chance to work with Stallone and De Niro – pretty much sums it up for me. You can tell where you’re going in your career by the company you keep.
Kevin Hart
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In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
Groucho Marx
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I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
Steven Wright
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In the first book of my Discworld series, published more than 26 years ago, I introduced Death as a character; there was nothing particularly new about this – death has featured in art and literature since medieval times, and for centuries we have had a fascination with the Grim Reaper.
Terry Pratchett
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I got a dog with a Napoleon complex. I have a Napoleon complex. We’re small. Anything big that we feel is threatening us, we want to fight. We’re not a pushover.
Kevin Hart
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The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.
Demetri Martin
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I think we’re all good and bad, but good’s not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny.
Larry David
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Sleep is important for a comic – like it is for a lot of people.
Tom Segura
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I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.
Henny Youngman
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Women are the real reason we get up every day. I’m talking about real men. If there were no women, I would not even have to bathe, because why would I care? These are guys I’m hanging with. I wake up for a woman every day of my life to make it happen for her.
Steve Harvey