Category: comedian
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If we could just find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
George Carlin
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Canada is like a loft apartment over a really great party.
Robin Williams
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People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think.
George Carlin
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They say the universe is expanding. That should help with the traffic.
Steven Wright
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In a lot of ways, success is much harder than I thought it would be. I figured that you’d get here and then everything would be happily ever after. But, it’s hard work, almost harder once you’re successful because you’ve got to maintain it.
Steven Wright
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If the government ever imposes a tax on books – and I wouldn’t put it past them – I’m in dead trouble.
Terry Pratchett
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I got the stern end of the stick. It was kind of that iron fist. I am who I am today because of my mother.
Kevin Hart
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It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to have to paint it.
Steven Wright
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright
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I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I’m not a smoker, I just really like certain songs.
Demetri Martin