Category: comedian
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Vancouver just feels comfortable to me.
Tom Segura
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Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain’t funny!
Mitch Hedberg
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I had one incident where my daughter said that a girl asked if she was a brown person. I said, ‘We’re black. You have black people, white people, Chinese people, Hispanic people; we’re all brought up differently.’
Kevin Hart
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The saddest thing I can imagine is to get used to luxury.
Charlie Chaplin
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I’ve moved about 10 times over the past 15 years. I don’t move for the sole purpose of getting rid of stuff. I’m not crazy. I also move so that I never have to wash any windows.
Ellen DeGeneres
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In my divorce, I stood up and said to my ex-wife, ‘Hey, I messed up. This had nothing to do with you. I didn’t understand what marriage was. I cheated. I was wrong. We couldn’t fix it; it got worse. I stepped away because I didn’t want it to get any worse. You’re the mother of my kids – I don’t want to hate you.’
Kevin Hart
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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Rodney Dangerfield
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The same thing I did in 2013 is what I’m trying to do in 2014, which is continue to improve, continue to shock people. You know, I have several projects coming up between 2014 and 2015, and hopefully by 2015, I’ll have another hour of stand-up material where I’ll be able to go on the road and tour again.
Kevin Hart
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I don’t want to be 60 years old standing on stage telling some jokes. I want my life to mean something.
Steve Harvey
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The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
Steven Wright