Category: comedian
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Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?
Mitch Hedberg
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Men and women do think differently, and frankly, we don’t understand each other. Not at all! But that’s what makes relationships so amazing.
Kevin Hart
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Stand-up is like a row boat: it’s fun and romantic when you’re choosing to do it. But if you have no other choice than to be in a row boat it’s not as enjoyable; that’s survival.
Demetri Martin
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You’ll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
Robin Williams
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Politics doesn’t make strange bedfellows – marriage does.
Groucho Marx
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Usually, I wear tennis shoes because my feet are flat, and it hurts to wear anything other than shoes that are cushiony.
Ellen DeGeneres
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I went to law school. I found it interesting for the first three weeks.
Demetri Martin
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know.
Groucho Marx
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I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.
Robin Williams
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I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes.
Demetri Martin