Category: comedian
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If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Steven Wright
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I got a chain letter by fax. It’s very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
Steven Wright
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Celebrity was a long time in coming; it will go away. Everything goes away.
Carol Burnett
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I don’t have false teeth. Do you think I’d buy teeth like these?
Carol Burnett
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I read the ‘Old Testament’ all the way through when I was about 13 and was horrified. A few months afterwards I read ‘The Origin Of Species’, hallucinating very mildly because I was in bed with flu at the time. Despite that, or because of that, it all made perfect sense.
Terry Pratchett
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Words are cheap. The biggest thing you can say is ‘elephant’.
Charlie Chaplin
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I’m not really good at fun-to-know, human interest stuff. We’re not ‘celebrities’, whose life itself is a performance. Good or bad or ugly, we are our words. They’re what people meet.
Terry Pratchett
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I don’t think you get successful to brag and throw what you have in the world’s face. That’s all private.
Kevin Hart
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I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people.
Larry David
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up – they have no holidays.
Henny Youngman