Category: comedian
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The harder I work, the luckier I become.
Terry Pratchett
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When God sneezed, I didn’t know what to say.
Henny Youngman
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I was raised around heterosexuals, as all heterosexuals are, that’s where us gay people come from… you heterosexuals.
Ellen DeGeneres
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If I wasn’t a golfer, I would still be miserable – but not as miserable.
Larry David
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Y’know, you can’t please all the people all the time… and last night, all those people were at my show.
Mitch Hedberg
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I’m much more open to being a supporting actor right now. At the age of 60, I’ll be second fiddle. Fine. I’m happy to do it.
Robin Williams
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Sometimes it is better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness.
Terry Pratchett
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I do have ADD and in real life, I’m all over the place and can hardly focus. If we were talking for, for more than an hour or so, I’d start drifting off… I can’t sit still too long.
Ellen DeGeneres
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I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, ‘Actual’. I’m not to scale.
Demetri Martin
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It occurred to me that at one point it was like I had two diseases – one was Alzheimer’s, and the other was knowing I had Alzheimer’s.
Terry Pratchett