Category: comedian
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I don’t need therapy. I’m not going to see a therapist; comedy acts as my therapy. I put my problems out there. I talk about them. I talk about everything before anybody has a chance.
Kevin Hart
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Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
Carol Burnett
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I loved the Kennedy Center Honors because you just sit there, smile, wave, and cry.
Carol Burnett
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I love ‘Modern Family.’ And I love ‘Glee’ – the singing, the music – Jane Lynch just kills me.
Carol Burnett
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I’m seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There’s no black and white to it. But sometimes I’m seeing it like I’m 4.
Steven Wright
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If God dropped acid, would he see people?
Steven Wright
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I became a journalist at 17. A few hours later, I saw my first dead body, which was somewhat… colourful. That’s when I learned you can go on throwing up after you run out of things to throw up.
Terry Pratchett
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People give me such a hard time because I don’t wear dresses. What’s that got to do with anything?
Ellen DeGeneres
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A lot of people like lollipops. I don’t like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don’t need a handle. Just give me the candy.
Demetri Martin
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I had always been quiet and studious in school. I was the high school editor of the newspaper.
Carol Burnett