Category: comedian
-
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
Rodney Dangerfield
-
It isn’t necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
Groucho Marx
-
For me, it’s about becoming a mogul, owning my own projects, and establishing myself as a funding producer. That’s what’s big to me. The movies and all that stuff are great, but the fact that I’m in a position to do what I want to do, however I want to do it and when I want to do it is bigger.
Kevin Hart
-
I couldn’t be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served in the National Guard, because I can finally put an end to all those who questioned my motives for enlisting in the Army Reserve at the height of the Vietnam War.
Larry David
-
My daughter doesn’t even get my humor. She’s like, ‘Um, no. I don’t get it, Dad. Mmm, no, not that one, Dad.’
Kevin Hart
-
Another term for balloon is bad breath holder.
Demetri Martin
-
Everybody that’s successful lays a blueprint out.
Kevin Hart
-
Life could be wonderful if people would leave you alone.
Charlie Chaplin
-
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield
-
I laugh all the time – at things, people, stuff, whatever. But, I don’t laugh onstage because then it’s serious business.
Steven Wright