Category: comedian
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Evolution was far more thrilling to me than the biblical account. Who would not rather be a rising ape than a falling angel? To my juvenile eyes, Darwin was proved true every day. It doesn’t take much to make us flip back into monkeys again.
Terry Pratchett
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I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
Demetri Martin
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My drive is other people’s success.
Kevin Hart
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I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
Henny Youngman
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I am completely attracted to the idea of simplicity, or at least removing things that seem unnecessary when trying to get an idea out there.
Demetri Martin
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Golf and dating don’t mix.
Larry David
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When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front row seat.
George Carlin
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One of my favourite actors of all time, although he doesn’t necessarily play villains, is Peter Lorre.
Robin Williams
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You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That’s what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
Steven Wright
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I’m a Buffalo wing magnet, a sandwich fanatic, a cheesesteak guy. But I’ll only get a cheesesteak in Philadelphia. No one else does it right.
Kevin Hart