Category: comedian
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Neither of my parents went to church, but they did everything that you needed to do to be Christian. That’s something a Quaker would call an intimation of the divine.
Terry Pratchett
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Ninety percent of my material is made on stage, but I feel like you’re missing something by abandoning sitting down to write entirely.
Tom Segura
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I don’t write material. Funny things happen to me in the course of a day, and I just make notes.
Kevin Hart
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My show ‘The Big House’ was picked up; they flew me to New York. I’m about to step on stage to announce ’s ‘The Big House.’ And a hand grabs my shoulder, ‘Kevin no, they just decided to cancel it.’ It’s a serious smack-in-the-face business, and either you can take it, or you can’t.
Kevin Hart
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
Henny Youngman
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I like George Carlin’s jokes. I like his humor. He’s one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things.
Steven Wright
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People teach their dogs to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.
Mitch Hedberg
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The only superstition I have is that I must start a new book on the same day that I finish the last one, even if it’s just a few notes in a file. I dread not having work in progress.
Terry Pratchett
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I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.
Mitch Hedberg
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I’m probably the most honest person you’ll ever meet – to a fault, like, I-will-hurt-your-feelings honest. I’m sure if I lied about anything, it would have been silly, but I haven’t retained that information.
Ellen DeGeneres