Category: comedian
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I’m really happy when I’m actively creating things. When I’m frustrated and not excited, it’s because I haven’t written anything in a month or so.
Tom Segura
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A lot of money with the wrong career is not going to make you happy. If you have money without happiness, it doesn’t mean anything. It’s all about happiness.
Ellen DeGeneres
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Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Steven Wright
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I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
Steven Wright
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My mum passing away wasn’t funny, but that funeral and what I went through, the things that happened, looking back at it, there were funny moments. You have to be strong enough to look back at it, to sit and assess the situation.
Kevin Hart
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I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.
Groucho Marx
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Divorce is expensive. I used to joke they were going to call it ‘all the money,’ but they changed it to ‘alimony.’ It’s ripping your heart out through your wallet.
Robin Williams
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Even before I knew I was gay, I knew I didn’t want to have a child. I knew I didn’t want to have one. I never want to have to release it from me. Listen, I love babies. I love children. And I melt when I’m around them. I also love my freedom and I love that I can sleep at night.
Ellen DeGeneres
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Personally, I think the best motto for an educational establishment is: ‘Or Would You Rather Be a Mule?’
Terry Pratchett
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A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn’t pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.
Henny Youngman