Category: comedian
-
I’ve always worked toward, and felt comfortable with, you know, pausing and guiding the audience on a longer bit.
Tom Segura
-
If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I’d probably just start calling out letters.
Demetri Martin
-
I didn’t grow up in a house – we moved a lot, and we always lived in apartments. But we looked a lot; we went to open houses almost every weekend. I think that’s why I always wanted a house.
Ellen DeGeneres
-
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
Rodney Dangerfield
-
I’ve done a great job at being universal in my stand-up, which is why, for ‘Let Me Explain,’ I toured all over the world. These movies I have coming out – ‘Ride Along,’ ‘Grudge Match,’ ‘About Last Night,’ ‘Think Like a Man Too’ – are putting me in a position to become universal on an even bigger scale.
Kevin Hart
-
I’m gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones.
Mitch Hedberg
-
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.
Ellen DeGeneres
-
Tolkien is eminently filmable, I think. ‘The Lord of the Rings’ is intensely… landscaped. But ‘Discworld’ is about dialogue, which is one reason why it might be hard to film.
Terry Pratchett
-
I have sadness in me. I have anger in me. I have heartbreak in me.
Ellen DeGeneres
-
All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
Steven Wright