Tag: Demetri Martin
-
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
Demetri Martin
-
People only have so much attention.
Demetri Martin
-
I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, ‘I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else.’ I said, ‘I am.’
Demetri Martin
-
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
Demetri Martin
-
When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
Demetri Martin
-
I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, ‘Actual’. I’m not to scale.
Demetri Martin
-
A lot of people like lollipops. I don’t like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don’t need a handle. Just give me the candy.
Demetri Martin
-
Another term for balloon is bad breath holder.
Demetri Martin
-
Whenever I’m on my computer, I don’t type ‘lol’. I type ‘lqtm’ – laugh quietly to myself. It’s more honest.
Demetri Martin
-
It’s funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don’t feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who’s doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it’s more possible.
Demetri Martin