Tag: Demetri Martin
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I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says ‘go outside.’
Demetri Martin
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The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.
Demetri Martin
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I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said ‘Happy Birthday’ on it. I didn’t want to waste it so I just wrote ‘Jesus’ on it.
Demetri Martin
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I started being a comedy fan when I was, I’m going to guess, like 5 or 6 years old.
Demetri Martin
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I wasn’t even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know – a lot of my friends are comedians – they knew a lot about comedy growing up.
Demetri Martin
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If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I’d probably just start calling out letters.
Demetri Martin
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I like to use ‘I Can’t Believe it’s Not Butter’ on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable.
Demetri Martin
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I didn’t do improv in college, I never performed, I didn’t do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major.
Demetri Martin
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And as far as actors go, Peter Sellers is my all-time favorite.
Demetri Martin
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Let no man’s deathbed be a futon.
Demetri Martin