Tag: George Carlin
-
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
George Carlin
-
If we could just find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
George Carlin
-
People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think.
George Carlin
-
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
George Carlin
-
Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
George Carlin
-
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.
George Carlin
-
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.
George Carlin
-
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self-help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
George Carlin
-
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
George Carlin
-
Think off-center.
George Carlin