Tag: Henny Youngman
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If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
Henny Youngman
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This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!
Henny Youngman
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I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.
Henny Youngman
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They’re worth it.
Henny Youngman
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I know a man who doesn’t pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
Henny Youngman
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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Henny Youngman
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up – they have no holidays.
Henny Youngman
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She has a wash and wear bridal gown.
Henny Youngman
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While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
Henny Youngman
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Why don’t Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.
Henny Youngman