Tag: Mitch Hedberg
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Every time I go and shave, I assume there’s someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, ‘I’m gonna go shave, too.’
Mitch Hedberg
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I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that… day.
Mitch Hedberg
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I like refried beans. That’s why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they’re just as good and we’re just wasting time. You don’t have to fry them again after all.
Mitch Hedberg
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Every book is a children’s book if the kid can read!
Mitch Hedberg
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Spaghetti… I can’t eat spaghetti, there’s too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1,000 of something is too many. I’ll have 1,000 pieces of noodles.
Mitch Hedberg
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My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don’t really know what’s happening down there. Who is the real hero?
Mitch Hedberg
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I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.
Mitch Hedberg
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I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
Mitch Hedberg
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I’m sick of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask them where they’re goin’, and hook up with them later.
Mitch Hedberg
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I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.
Mitch Hedberg