Tag: Mitch Hedberg
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If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn’t type any slower.
Mitch Hedberg
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I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.
Mitch Hedberg
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I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
Mitch Hedberg
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When someone hands you a flyer, it’s like they’re saying here you throw this away.
Mitch Hedberg
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I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn’t work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.
Mitch Hedberg
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This shirt is dry clean only. Which means… it’s dirty.
Mitch Hedberg
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Rice is great if you’re really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.
Mitch Hedberg
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Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.
Mitch Hedberg
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I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary.
Mitch Hedberg