Tag: Phyllis Diller
-
You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
Phyllis Diller
-
My photographs don’t do me justice – they just look like me.
Phyllis Diller
-
I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing.
Phyllis Diller
-
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
Phyllis Diller
-
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
Phyllis Diller
-
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
Phyllis Diller
-
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
Phyllis Diller
-
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
Phyllis Diller
-
A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
Phyllis Diller
-
There’s so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.
Phyllis Diller