Tag: Steven Wright
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I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.
Steven Wright
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I didn’t want to be selling insurance at 40, wondering what would it have been like to do stand-up.
Steven Wright
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn’t happen.
Steven Wright
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I live on a one-way street that’s also a dead end. I’m not sure how I got there.
Steven Wright
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When I’m on stage, it’s really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to remember my act, trying to say it all the right way. It’s funny how different it looks and how it’s happening. There are three Fellini circuses in my head, and outwardly it looks like I’m going to get a bagel.
Steven Wright
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I installed a skylight in my apartment… the people who live above me are furious!
Steven Wright
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Babies don’t need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach… it pisses me off! I’ll go over to a little baby and say ‘What are you doing here? You haven’t worked a day in your life!’
Steven Wright
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So, do you live around here often?
Steven Wright
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I wrote a few children’s books… not on purpose.
Steven Wright
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There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
Steven Wright