Tag: Steven Wright
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
Steven Wright
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I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I’m really thinking about.
Steven Wright
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When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, ‘Well, what do you need?’
Steven Wright
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I saw a bank that said ’24 Hour Banking’, but I don’t have that much time.
Steven Wright
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I’m addicted to placebos.
Steven Wright
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I got this powdered water – now I don’t know what to add.
Steven Wright
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I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
Steven Wright
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The things I talk about and explain couldn’t happen – yet, they don’t seem impossible – you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane – and it’s trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.
Steven Wright
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Steven Wright
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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
Steven Wright