Tag: Steven Wright
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
Steven Wright
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One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
Steven Wright
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It doesn’t matter what temperature the room is, it’s always room temperature.
Steven Wright
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I don’t like politicians, and I don’t like politics. I definitely don’t want to be associated with any of them.
Steven Wright
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The other day I… uh, no, that wasn’t me.
Steven Wright
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I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, ‘Hey, the sign says you’re open 24 hours.’ He said, ‘Yes, but not in a row.’
Steven Wright
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My mother is from another time – the funniest person to her is Lucille Ball; that’s what she loves. A lot of times she tells me she doesn’t know what I’m talking about. I know if I wasn’t her son and she was flipping through the TV and saw me, she would just keep going.
Steven Wright
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If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
Steven Wright
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When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, ‘Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.’
Steven Wright
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What I like about the jokes, to me it’s a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won’t be funny.
Steven Wright