Tag: Steven Wright
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People may think I’m trying something new by telling stories, but they’re just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That’s what I do.
Steven Wright
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I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That’s still what I am doing. The end.
Steven Wright
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If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
Steven Wright
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright
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I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I’m home now. But leave a message and I’ll call when I’m out.
Steven Wright
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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn’t have to go so fast.
Steven Wright
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If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?
Steven Wright
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright
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I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.
Steven Wright
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To the audience, it’s like I’m changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show’s almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.
Steven Wright