Tag: Steven Wright
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I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
Steven Wright
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Steven Wright
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, ‘Did you sleep good?’ I said ‘No, I made a few mistakes.’
Steven Wright
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It seems like we wake up and it’s a race until you get to bed. It gets to you after a while and you think, ‘What the hell am I doing?’
Steven Wright
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My secret to staying young… Having no sense of time.
Steven Wright
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For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
Steven Wright
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What’s another word for Thesaurus?
Steven Wright
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
Steven Wright
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Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time… I think I’ve forgotten this before.
Steven Wright
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They say the universe is expanding. That should help with the traffic.
Steven Wright