Category: comedian
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Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.
Terry Pratchett
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We have been so successful in the past century at the art of living longer and staying alive that we have forgotten how to die. Too often we learn the hard way. As soon as the baby boomers pass pensionable age, their lesson will be harsher still.
Terry Pratchett
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I would love for the world to be happier.
Ellen DeGeneres
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I like my wine like my women – ready to pass out.
Robin Williams
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Look at the walls of Pompeii. That’s what got the internet started.
Robin Williams
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Mum had done everything you need to educate a kid. She made me a kid who likes books and she told me about ‘Wind in the Willows’ and read it and I thought this is weird, Rat, Mole, Toad and my first ever Bolshie thought – you know about ‘The Wind in the Willows.’
Terry Pratchett
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I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Steven Wright
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I went to a general store but they wouldn’t let me buy anything specific.
Steven Wright
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I do like men and I had, you know, a guy in high school that I wanted to marry desperately. He’s the mayor of some small town in Texas. I could be the mayor’s wife right now.
Ellen DeGeneres