Category: comedian
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A’s.
Demetri Martin
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It’s not like I grew up playing pranks on people, and I was not that girl in school.
Ellen DeGeneres
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
Steven Wright
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Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
Groucho Marx
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I’m a businessman as well as an entertainer. The reason why is because I want to own whatever I’m doing. I don’t want to work for other people forever.
Kevin Hart
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My color’s not a crutch. See, funny crosses a lot of color barriers.
Steve Harvey
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Take my wife… Please!
Henny Youngman
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My fans saw me get engaged, saw me make that woman my wife, me having kids, me divorcing, me talking about divorce before the divorce, me talking about my kids’ reaction to that divorce.
Kevin Hart
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield