Category: comedian
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night – and I’d dream about it being me.
Steven Wright
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My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse!
Groucho Marx
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
George Carlin
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When you’re a comic doing a special, it’s like you’re directing your first movie.
Tom Segura
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Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can’t predict what people will laugh at.
Steven Wright
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I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.
Mitch Hedberg
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Here are the values that I stand for: honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, treating people the way you want to be treated and helping those in need. To me, those are traditional values.
Ellen DeGeneres
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I still think of that guy I was without a wife or kids, and I still want to entertain that guy. The lonely guy, the frustrated guy, the guy with no money – this is the guy who needs to laugh.
Larry David
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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
George Carlin