Category: comedian
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
Henny Youngman
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All men can and will change. But there’s only one woman we’re going to change for.
Steve Harvey
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It usually helps me write by reading – somehow the reading gear in your head turns the writing gear.
Steven Wright
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Dictators free themselves, but they enslave the people.
Charlie Chaplin
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When people show me clothing that seems very, very feminine, it’s hard for me to embrace that, because it just doesn’t feel like me.
Ellen DeGeneres
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Hey, I may loathe myself, but it has nothing to do with the fact that I’m Jewish.
Larry David
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I think the best thing I ever did with my life was stand up and say I’ve got Alzheimer’s.
Terry Pratchett
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I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.
Demetri Martin
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I just know keeping track of what I’m doing and where I’m going is important to me.
Demetri Martin
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I always like it when I eat myself out of breath. That’s a good boost to my day. You know, I’m eating, and I go, ‘Oooohhh.’ It’s better a few moments later when you get to think about it, when you’re like, ‘Why did I just stop to take a deep breath? Oh yeah, my body also needs air.’
Tom Segura