Category: comedian
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Politics is so personal, vicious and immediate, how are you going to get anything done? Even the local politics where I live have gotten so ugly.
Robin Williams
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
George Carlin
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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
Rodney Dangerfield
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There are some people who hate my guts. But that goes with the territory.
Terry Pratchett
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Every time I go and shave, I assume there’s someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, ‘I’m gonna go shave, too.’
Mitch Hedberg
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Success isn’t supposed to happen, no matter how hard you work. There’s no guarantee you’re going to succeed. There’s nothing set in stone.
Kevin Hart
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Dickens, as you know, never got round to starting his home page.
Terry Pratchett
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I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that… day.
Mitch Hedberg
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I didn’t work hard to sit down and not work.
Kevin Hart
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And as far as actors go, Peter Sellers is my all-time favorite.
Demetri Martin