Category: comedian
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Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
Steven Wright
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My childhood was rough, we were poor and my parents were alcoholics, but nobody was mean. I knew I was loved. We were on welfare, but I never felt abandoned or unloved.
Carol Burnett
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You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
George Carlin
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No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.
Robin Williams
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If I was going onstage, of course I would talk about it. How could I not?
Larry David
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I like refried beans. That’s why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they’re just as good and we’re just wasting time. You don’t have to fry them again after all.
Mitch Hedberg
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I particularly admire are Mark Twain and Jerome K. Jerome who wrote in a certain tone of voice which was humane and understanding of humanity, but always ready to annotate its little foibles. I think I’d lay my cards down on that, and say that it’s that that I’m trying to do.
Terry Pratchett
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I like playing basketball and going to the gym. I don’t box, but I’ll ride my bike and go jogging or running in the park. Sometimes my lady and I go hiking.
Kevin Hart
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I love women with attitude.
Kevin Hart
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Wives are people who feel they don’t dance enough.
Groucho Marx