Category: comedian
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A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx
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The truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head.
Terry Pratchett
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I intend, before the endgame looms, to die sitting in a chair in my own garden with a glass of brandy in my hand and Thomas Tallis on the iPod. Oh, and since this is England, I had better add, ‘If wet, in the library.’ Who could say that this is bad?
Terry Pratchett
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Sooner or later we’re all someone’s dog.
Terry Pratchett
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Spaghetti… I can’t eat spaghetti, there’s too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1,000 of something is too many. I’ll have 1,000 pieces of noodles.
Mitch Hedberg
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Men are like lions. We hunt.
Kevin Hart
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When you tour as much as I do, you’re always on the road, and you tend to gravitate toward cities where you’re like, ‘Every time I’m in that city, the shows are fun.’
Tom Segura
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I just believe if you don’t believe in God, then where is your moral barometer? That’s just me talking. You can believe what you want to believe.
Steve Harvey
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What women need to understand is that men don’t communicate. It’s not intentional or on purpose. We’re just not as emotional. You ladies feel like you have to express yourselves.
Kevin Hart
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Comedians take a neat situation and turn it into a mess. And in my books I do the same thing, but it’s the other way around. I like to mess around with mess. A mess is only a mess because someone tells you it is.
Ursus Wehrli