Category: comedian
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head.
Steven Wright
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I’m sick of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask them where they’re goin’, and hook up with them later.
Mitch Hedberg
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People see me on the street, and they point to me, and they’re like, ‘Hey! All right, all right, all right!’
Kevin Hart
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
Steven Wright
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I’ve always been optimistic. And I have a feeling that it happened because of going to all those movies with my grandmother in the ’40s because there was no cynicism.
Carol Burnett
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People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they’re very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they’re kind of hard to tell apart – especially if the human is kind of hairy.
Demetri Martin
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Take me seriously. Take me and my role seriously. Take my talent seriously.
Kevin Hart
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The stand up, everything was accidental. I never grew up and was the class clown and had to get the attention. It was – it really is, I have a career despite myself.
Ellen DeGeneres
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One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
Steven Wright
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Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
George Carlin