Category: comedian
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I have no further use for America. I wouldn’t go back there if Jesus Christ was President.
Charlie Chaplin
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Stand-up is my baby.
Kevin Hart
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
Groucho Marx
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I make a lot of expressions constantly. I’m animated.
Kevin Hart
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My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Before I speak, I have something important to say.
Groucho Marx
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From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.
Groucho Marx
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When you read, I’m sure you don’t realize that your eyes are going backwards and forwards and to this place and that place. Mine don’t do that.
Terry Pratchett
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I never say ‘nagging.’ I think that ‘nagging’ is a term that men created to get women to pipe down some. But, it’s a trap that we’ve created. We created several terms for women to back you down. Nagging means to stop asking me questions, then we get away with more. I think it’s a term men created.
Steve Harvey