Category: comedian
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You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
George Carlin
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I don’t use Twitter for bad.
Kevin Hart
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I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn’t work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.
Mitch Hedberg
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I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.
Demetri Martin
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I met this wonderful girl at Macy’s. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
Steven Wright
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Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.
Demetri Martin
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I’m always excited to try something I haven’t done.
Demetri Martin
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Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
George Carlin
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When you’re doing a film and the majority of the film is cast black, for me, it’s most important to get people to view those movies as just movies, as just good movies. At the end of the day, regardless of the color of the cast, we’re all doing the same thing in this business: trying to make a good film.
Kevin Hart
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Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn’t involve a woman.
Larry David