Category: comedian
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
Groucho Marx
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I am who I am today because of my mother.
Kevin Hart
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This shirt is dry clean only. Which means… it’s dirty.
Mitch Hedberg
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Most gods throw dice, but Fate plays chess, and you don’t find out til too late that he’s been playing with two queens all along.
Terry Pratchett
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You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
Henny Youngman
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Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.
George Carlin
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You have to go through the falling down in order to learn to walk. It helps to know that you can survive it. That’s an education in itself.
Carol Burnett
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I don’t really know much about TV and what people want to see. I’m not that well-informed about it.
Larry David
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The glamour of it all! New York! America!
Charlie Chaplin
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I write on big yellow legal pads – ideas in outline form when I’m doing stand-up and stuff. It’s vivid that way. I can’t type it into an iPad – I think that would put a filter into the process.
Robin Williams