Category: comedian
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I can’t tell a joke to save my soul. It’s just not my thing, though I love to listen to jokes.
Carol Burnett
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Oh, my mama was awesome. Very strict, overreligious, loved the Lord, loved rules. But she had to be that way because of where we were growing up, the neighborhood I was from.
Kevin Hart
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The first house I bought was a little Spanish bungalow on Clinton Street in West Hollywood, right behind the Improv. I was renting it, and I asked the owners if I could buy it, and they were really nice and let me work out a deal. And I fixed it up and later sold it. That was when I realized that if you make some improvements, you can make money.
Ellen DeGeneres
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When someone is impatient and says, ‘I haven’t got all day,’ I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
George Carlin
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I would love to have the same rights as everybody else. I would love, I don’t care if it’s called marriage. I don’t care if it’s called, you know, domestic partnership. I don’t care what it’s called.
Ellen DeGeneres
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I do believe in love; it’s wonderful – especially love third time around, it’s even more precious; it’s kind of amazing.
Robin Williams
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If I ever had twins, I’d use one for parts.
Steven Wright
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It’s not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewere, would much rather you weren’t doing.
Terry Pratchett
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It is often said that before you die your life passes before your eyes. It is in fact true. It’s called living.
Terry Pratchett
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I regarded finding I had a form of Alzheimer’s as an insult and decided to do my best to marshal any kind of forces I could against this wretched disease. I have posterior cortical atrophy or PCA. They say, rather ingenuously, that if you have Alzheimer’s it’s the best form of Alzheimer’s to have.
Terry Pratchett