Category: comedian
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People see me laughing and telling jokes, but they had no idea after the show was over, I had no joy in my life, in my heart.
Steve Harvey
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I don’t take pictures when I’m with my kids, for the sake of my kids. It’s important when you’re as busy as I am that you give your kids your time when you’re with them, and nothing compromises that. I’ve been lucky enough to have fans that understand that.
Kevin Hart
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Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
Groucho Marx
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Steven Wright
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For example, I was a White House intern the summer before I dropped out of law school. Everybody knew about it. I’d come home and go to church and everybody would say, ‘Oh, my God. Demetri, you’re working at the White House.’
Demetri Martin
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I’m not feeling very well – I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
Groucho Marx
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I learned compassion from being discriminated against. Everything bad that’s ever happened to me has taught me compassion.
Ellen DeGeneres
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You see some of the weirdest people in Detroit casinos.
Kevin Hart
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I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once.
Mitch Hedberg
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Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil… prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon.
Terry Pratchett