Category: comedian
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I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word ‘dude.’ ‘Dude, these are isotopes.’ ‘Dude, we removed your kidney. You’re gonna be fine.’ ‘Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies.’
Demetri Martin
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I have the world’s largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world… perhaps you’ve seen it.
Steven Wright
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In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.
Terry Pratchett
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Man as an individual is a genius. But men in the mass form the headless monster, a great, brutish idiot that goes where prodded.
Charlie Chaplin
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
Henny Youngman
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Some people love so hard that they can’t control those emotions when they’re at their deepest point.
Kevin Hart
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I don’t believe that the public knows what it wants; this is the conclusion that I have drawn from my career.
Charlie Chaplin
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I became vegan because I saw footage of what really goes on in the slaughterhouses and on the dairy farms.
Ellen DeGeneres
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I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
Mitch Hedberg
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Groucho Marx