Category: comedian
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I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says ‘go outside.’
Demetri Martin
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Humor is reason gone mad.
Groucho Marx
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I like to play blackjack. I’m not addicted to gambling. I’m addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
Mitch Hedberg
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Always do whatever’s next.
George Carlin
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I like writing. I get cranky when I can’t. Yes, I write books back to back, and I work very hard on them.
Terry Pratchett
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We all want to help one another. Human beings are like that. We want to live by each other’s happiness, not by each other’s misery.
Charlie Chaplin
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I hate having to do small talk. I’d rather talk about deep subjects. I’d rather talk about meditation, or the world, or the trees or animals, than small, inane, you know, banter.
Ellen DeGeneres
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But I didn’t ask to have somebody nose around in my private life. I didn’t even ask to be famous. All I asked was to be able to earn a living making people laugh.
Carol Burnett
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I got this powdered water – now I don’t know what to add.
Steven Wright
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I’ve never been a big party guy or super social.
Tom Segura